


You're Safe Now

by Anonymous



Category: Crankiplier - Fandom, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Pain, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28564200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: I’m still with him. I should have known that the dream of that beautiful man wasn’t true. I do not deserve the beautiful life I dreamt of. I do not deserve the love or care that the man brought me-or-Ethan forgets who he's with.
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 1
Kudos: 105
Collections: Anonymous





	You're Safe Now

Fear. 

Panic. 

Pain. 

Am I dying? Why is my heart beating so fast?

I force my eyes open and I’m met with a ceiling. I know I’m lying on my back. The ceiling I’m staring at is oddly familiar, but I can’t quite place where I am. I feel weighed down onto the bed. My body feels like it is made of lead. Dense and heavy. 

Suffocating. 

Fear still courses through my veins. Why can’t I move? Am I still sleeping?’

It doesn’t feel like I’m in my body, but I know I’m in my mind. Whose bedroom is this? Is it mine? I feel weighed down and as if I’m floating away at the same time. 

Then it hits me. All at once like a tidal wave trying to knock me down. Pain seared across my body, burning along my thighs and arms. I could feel the tight grip of bony fingers on my arms and fists creating bruises so carefully hidden by regular clothing. 

I’m still with him. I should have known that the dream of that beautiful man wasn’t true. I do not deserve the beautiful life I dreamt of. I do not deserve the love or care that the man brought me. 

I hold on to the memory for a moment, though. One moment before I force my body out of bed, throwing the covers off and exposing myself to the cold air of the room I was in making me realize I was drenched in sweat. I ignored the sticky feeling on my body and stubble loudly into the bathroom. As I reach the doorway, I hear him. 

“Eth?” I hear a distorted voice. 

My body turns to ice, blood running cold. The voice calls for me again, the voice becoming more distorted than the first time. Why does he sound like that? He doesn’t sound normal. 

A loud, high pitched ringing fills my ears and I can feel my body giving up on me. My knees lock up and buckle beneath my weight. I desperately grip the trim of the doorframe, desperately trying to keep myself standing. Trying to keep myself upright so I at least have a fighting chance to get away. 

My knees crack against the ceramic tile of the bathroom floor, pain blooming in my joints. The air leaves my body, my lungs desperately searching for oxygen as my throat feels as though it is collapsing on itself, blocking any airway from getting into me. I can hear his heavy steps come up the stairs and I scramble to crawl into the bathroom. I haul myself to the bathtub and press my forehead against the side of the tub to try to soothe my burning forehead. I wrap my arms around my torso, somehow feeling both burning hot and ice cold all at the same time. I clench my eyes shut with the childish notion that maybe if I can’t see him, he can’t see me as if he was a monster under the bed or the boogeyman in the closet. 

Please. Not tonight. Not tonight. My body can’t handle anymore tonight. 

“Ethan?” The distorted voice asks once again. “I heard a lot of noise. Are you okay?”

He has never cared if I’m okay, why start now? I made too much noise. I’ll get it now. 

I could hear the door being pushed open and it felt like the air got punched out of me. I try desperately to gasp in the air, but I can’t get it to go back out. I can feel the constriction in my throat of my body wheezing, trying to get oxygen. I felt like I was drowning. 

His strong arms wrap around my torso and I instantly begin to thrash in his hold. 

“No!” I wail. “No, Linc, please! I’m sorry! I’ll be quieter, I’m sorry!” I begged, burning tears running down my face, my throat on fire from the pleading. 

I continued thrashing, flailing my arms. I could hardly feel the way he held my body against his.

“Ethan, stop,” His muffled voice commanded. It felt like my ears were full of cotton. His command only made me fight back harder, desperate to remove his arms from my body. 

I kept begging him and squirming in his firm grip as I felt him maneuver my body from the kneeling position I was in next to the tub into a sitting position. I could feel his warm chest behind me against my back, I was sitting between his legs. I kept my eyes clenched shut, not wanting to look at him, not wanting him to see the fear in my eyes. He placed a strong arm across my chest, he held one arm down with his hand and the other with his elbow. He took his free hand and pressed it to my forehead, pushing my head back against his shoulder to force my airways open. I choked on the air that was trying to keep me alive and conscious. 

“Ethan, please open your eyes,” his voice whispered gently into my ear. And I knew that if I did not obey, I would be worse off. I forced myself to open my eyes and I was shocked by the sight that I saw.

It was the beautiful man from my dreams. I could see him holding me in the reflection of the full length mirror opposite the bathtub. I looked like an absolute mess. My face red and splotchy, eyes rimmed red. The man looked as gorgeous as I remembered from the dreem. Messy dark hair and gorgeous tan skin. 

Mark.

That’s when it all clicked, when It all made sense. The muffled voice and the caring words. 

It wasn’t real. Linc wasn’t there. This was Mark. 

“Mark, I’m so sorry,” I whimpered. 

Tearless sobs tore violently through my body. I had no more tears left and I could feel my body shaking, quaking in his strong arms. My throat and eyes ached, but I couldn’t calm myself down. It felt as though it kept accumulating and accumulating inside of me. The intense pressure of the memories, the flashbacks, and the burden I must bring upon Mark for him to still see me this way. 

“You’re okay, Ethan. You’re safe,” Mark spoke softly, his words and deep voice grounding me before my mind could float away again. 

I finally stopped whimpering, I could feel my body falling limp against Mark. My eyes burned and felt heavy. I let them fall closed, knowing I was safe here. 

\----

I awoke in the same position I fell asleep in, only this time in a bed.

Mark and I’s bed. 

I was still resting between Mark’s legs, my head on his stomach. I could feel something cold being pressed against my forehead and the sides of my neck. My eyes fluttered open when the washcloth made contact with my collarbones. 

“Hey, sleepy head,” Mark murmured, resting the washcloth on my forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” I croaked, my throat sore from what had just ensued. 

Mark hummed his acknowledgement as he carded his fingers through my hair. A blanket covered me from the chest down. The flashbacks always leave me feeling hot and cold at the same time and Mark always knew just how to take care of me. 

“What was i this time?” He pressed carefully.

This hasn’t happened in a long time, but it used to every night. 

“I thought I was back there. Thought you were him,” I admitted quietly, embarrassed. 

Mark shifted from under me. I’ve angered him. He thinks I’m pathetic, stupid. Even after all this tim-

His lips pressed to the tip of my nose, interrupting my spiralling thoughts.

“You’re safe now.”

I sighed contently, remembering how much Mark loved me. I turned to him as he wrapped his arms around me. 

I am loved.


End file.
